Most essays lose marks not because the ideas are weak, but because the marker can’t find them quickly.
One paragraph, one point
Open each paragraph with a sentence that states its point plainly. Then give evidence, explain it, and link back to the question.
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If I can read only your first sentences and follow your argument, the essay works.
Use evidence, then explain it
A quote on its own earns little. Two sentences explaining why it matters earn the marks.